


Lighten Up

by AllTimePhan73



Series: Jacksepticeye Ego One Shots [25]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Asexual Character, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-01 01:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18325919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: 'I couldn't say no though. I just couldn't. She just kept interrupting me and she told me to lighten up. I should lighten up, shouldn't I?'TW: Mentions of rape? No actual rape but it's talked about. Manipulation.





	Lighten Up

**Author's Note:**

> I think JJ is asexual in this. I didn't think that originally when I wrote it but now that I read it back, I'm getting ace vibes. You don't have to interpret it that way though :P

"Jameson," The girl cupped Jameson's chin and smiled so sweetly that JJ could almost taste the honey on his lips. "Be a dear and make me a cup of tea?" JJ paused for a moment, glancing between his feet that were comfortably sat on top of the sofa and his girlfriend's face. Her cheeks were a soft pink and she was in no way being threatening. She was just asking him to do a favour.

JJ stood up and the comfort was lost. He headed into the kitchen and pulled out a single mug.

-

JJ was sat on the sofa in between Henrik and Chase, laughing loudly at a joke that Chase had made. Chase was sitting opposite them, holding a can of beer in his hands and sipping at it every so often. Marvin was on the ground at Chase's feet, leant up against the sofa as he overlooked Chase's beer intake. He wasn't worried in particular; more protective. JJ's phone began to buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out, eyes scanning the text message.

Apologetically glancing at his friends, he got up onto his feet and signed a simple, ' _I need to pick Emily up_ '. He then rushed out of the house, nearly forgetting to grab his coat on the way out. "Can't she get the bus?" Chase questioned, following JJ right to the front door.

JJ just shook his head and didn't admit that Emily's excuse was just that she couldn't be bothered.

-

"Guess what!" Emily exclaimed rather enthusiastically, taking a seat in front of JJ and placing a hand on his thigh. He glanced down at it, nervously shrugging his shoulders. He could feel himself paling but hoped Emily wouldn't notice or ask. "I have the afternoon off work so we have some free time... _alone_." She emphasised the final word but it didn't make JJ any more comfortable.

' _Actually, Emily I-_ ' JJ signed but Emily cut him off.

"Yes, Jameson?" Emily leaned forward, her hand on JJ's thigh making its way slowly upwards and she leaned so close JJ could feel her breath on his cheek. She was breathing so slowly and calmly compared to JJ who was rather erratic by that point.

' _I don't think-_ '

"Come on... I'm hardly ever free." JJ could feel his heart beating much faster than normal as his stomach did a back flip. JJ generally hated saying no but it made it even harder when the other person refused to take a hint.

' _I know but I have things to do..._ '

"Do them later. They aren't important," Emily leaned forward and pressed her soft lips into JJ's. She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer and hardly noticed how much the man's body was trembling. After pulling back for a single moment, she kissed him again whilst her hands moved elsewhere- to his chest underneath his shirt. "Why are you so tense, love? Lighten up a little. You want this, right?" Her wide eyes that seemed so innocent and concerned, despite the situation, just made JJ swallow back the words he wanted to say. Instead, he just stared at her like a deer caught in headlights. JJ's phone rang, almost giving him a heart attack but simultaneously saving the day.

He reached for it and sent Emily a tiny apologetic smile. He hated that he was secretly celebrating the timing of the message.

-

"What's wrong?" Chase questioned, placing a hand on top of one of JJ's tense shoulders. Chase had noticed how off JJ seemed, based on how subdued he was. He hadn't signed a single word since their greetings and was just biting his lip and staring into space for most of the day.

' _Nothing_.' JJ fiddled with his thumbs as soon as he finished signing. He felt guilty for lying but it wasn't like Emily had done anything wrong. It was him. There was something wrong with _him_ for being unable to say no. There must be some messed up condition that prevented him from refusing things people told him to do.

"Something. You're acting weird, dude. You learnt from me that bottling things up makes it worse."

' _It's just something that happened earlier. Before you invited me over..._ ' JJ glanced up into Chase's curious but concerned eyes to ensure that he was being listened to. ' _Emily told me she had the afternoon off and she implied what she wanted to do fairly clearly... I'm sure any guy would have jumped at the opportunity but I didn't want to._ '

"Not all guys want sex all the time, JJ. I don't know what you think about us who aren't gentlemen like you but it's not all about sex. Do you think we are all hormonal teenagers?" JJ's face went bright pink and he attempted to hide it with his hands. He had not expected Chase to be so _forward_ about it, when he hated even bringing up the subject. "It's okay to not want to do stuff."

' _I couldn't say no though. I just couldn't. She just kept interrupting me and she told me to lighten up. I should lighten up, shouldn't I?_ '

"No, you shouldn't. You're allowed to say no, alright? If she made you feel like you couldn't say no then you need to talk to her about it or... I can if you want. Unless... Jamie, do you think she may be abusive? I know it's jumping to conclusions but-"

JJ rapidly shook his head. ' _No, no it's me. She doesn't make me feel like I can't say no... I'm just too scared to. I don't want to upset her or make it seem like I don't love her or anything, you know? I'm so ridiculous..._ '

"You are not ridiculous, JJ. It's alright to say no. You won't upset her, alright?"

' _I will though. She really wanted to and I..._ ' JJ shook his head as he trailed off.

"How about this: when you say yes, you are pretty much saying no to something else. So having sex is saying no to not having sex. If you think about it like that, then you might be able to say no more? Just think about it like you're saying yes to doing something else. Does that make sense? It makes sense in my head."

' _It does make sense. I'll try but Emily isn't a bad person. I love her._ '

"I know you do, Jamie. I'm just worried about my little bro."

' _I am not your little brother._ '

"You so are."

-

"JJ, what was yesterday all about?" Emily was sat beside JJ again, her hand on the same place on his thigh. JJ kept glancing down at it, biting his lip so hard that blood was almost drawn. "You didn't want to... is it because you don't love me?"

' _No, no, I love you with all my heart. I just wasn't in the mood. It wasn't your fault._ '

"Promise?" Emily held out her hand and JJ linked their pinkies with a tiny smile on his face. "So... you feeling up to it tonight?"

JJ glanced down at his lap and shook his head ever so slowly.

"Will you ever be in the mood?" Emily's voice was still gentle but JJ was imagining her eyes filling with tears and the simple question, _is it because you don't love me?_ It wasn't. JJ loved her. He remained silent as she raised up onto her feet. "Is there something wrong with me? Are you sure I'm not the problem?"

' _Yes, yes. I love you._ '

"You might want to prove it then, love." Emily was smiling so gently and her eyes were sparkling, too things that would never make her seem like someone who was doing something wrong.

' _Prove it?_ '

"Yeah..." Emily leaned towards JJ and pressed her lips against his, so softly that it was hard for JJ to believe that Emily had just blatantly ignored how JJ was feeling. JJ placed his hands on Emily's stomach and pushed her back slightly so that they could separate.

' _Emily, please not now._ '

"Why don't you love me? Am I not good enough for you?"

' _You are... I promise. Just not today._ '

"Not today, not yesterday, not ever. There is something wrong with me, isn't there? I knew it..."

' _Em, no-_ '

"Then why won't you have sex with me?!"

_'I don't know! I wish I knew then maybe I could fix myself but I can't!_ '

Emily cupped JJ's chin and leaned in again. JJ pushed her back harder that time, more fearfully than violently. She gasped a little, her eyes suddenly wide. Before Emily could say anything, JJ raced out of the room as quickly as he could.

-

JJ sobbed into Chase's chest, his entire body shaking as he drenched Chase's shirt. Chase's strong, almost fatherly, grip on him made him feel more loved than he ever felt with Emily. He felt safe and at home with his friends. With Emily it was just constant tension.

"You were right to say no," Chase mumbled, rubbing his back. "It's going to be alright. She'll understand eventually and, if she doesn't, fuck her, right? If you hadn't ran, she could have raped you, Jamie."

' _She wouldn't do that_.'

"I'm going to speak to her. Tell her about how you're feeling and stuff."

' _Please don't._ '

"I have to. This isn't right."

' _You can't! She'll leave me and think I'm not good enough!_ '

"I won't let her hurt you again."

-

Emily was fuming. She had her hands on her hips, her face was bright red and she practically had steam coming out of her ears. "You told him I was going to rape you," Her voice was calm but JJ recognised it as the calm before the storm. "Why? All I ever do is love you..."

' _I know. I love you too. I didn't say that you were going to rape you. I just said that-_ ' JJ signed, his hands trembling.

"Whatever you said made it implied it. Do you really think I'd do that? I'm not a monster, Jamie."

' _I know..._ '

"I know you don't love me! I get it, alright? You don't even pretend anymore! Just leave me already," Emily was slowly getting closer to JJ who was terrified at that point. "I love you so much... why won't you just love me?" Emily broke down into sobs, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked desperately into JJ's eyes.

' _I do love you-_ '

"Stop lying. Get out."

' _Em-_ '

"Get the fuck out of my house. I don't need you anymore. I am not dating somebody who called me a rapist."

-

' _This is all your fault. I hate you. I told you not to talk to her and you didn't listen to me. I hate you!_ ' JJ's hands were moving rapidly as he sobbed and sobbed.

"I needed to make sure she knew how you felt... I didn't mean to..."

JJ didn't say anything else, lightly hitting his fists against Chase's chest before collapsing to the floor. ' _She left me because of you._ '

"It's for the best, Jamie. You should be with somebody who you aren't scared to talk to about your feelings not someone who-"

' _She wasn't a bad person! I loved her and she loved me!_ '

"Okay... I'm sorry."

-

"JJ, can you do me a favour?" JJ lifted up his head at the voice, turning to face Chase who was sitting on the other sofa. Chase had his head on Marvin's lap as the magician played with his hair. "I could do with a snack but I'm so comfy, you know? Could you get something for me?"

'I'm comfy too.' JJ signed, letting out a shaky breath.

"Hey, that's fine. I'm just a lazy little shit," And, as Chase let out a loud laugh, JJ realised that saying no wasn't that bad. Chase wasn't hurt. It was something they could laugh about. JJ could be a bit selfish every once in a while but that was perfectly normal. Saying no was perfectly normal. "Jackie!" Chase then yelled at the top of his lungs. "Get me a snack!"

JJ laughed along with both Marvin and Chase as they heard a loud sigh and then, a few minutes later, Jackieboy Man appeared in the room with a sandwich in his hands.

In that moment, JJ realised that he could say no. There wasn't anything wrong with putting himself first sometimes.


End file.
